Broken
by Smilee.It.Looks.Good.On.You
Summary: Spencer after she finds out about Toby being part of the A team. Three-shot.
1. Chapter 1

They say falling in love is like falling asleep, slowly and then all at once. And that's exactly how Spencer Hastings felt when she first started falling for Toby Cavanaugh. The part she wasn't expecting was how broken she would feel after he betrayed her. It's like you're floating on cloud nine and then all of a sudden you're plummeting down to earth for your sudden death. Or like your heart is so full of love and happiness and then someone just comes along and rips it out of your chest and your left with this huge hollow feeling. When everything is perfect, the last thing you ever expect isfor your heart to be smashed into a million lifeless pieces.

"Why," was all Spencer could manage to get out of her mouth with tears streaming down her face.

"Spencer, I'm sor-"

"Don't," she cut him off. "Toby, I trusted you! How could do this to me?"

"Spencer it's not like that!" he protested.

"Then what is it like?!" she screamed while a sob broke free from her chest.

"I did it to protect you," he whispered. "I never did it to hurt you. I would never intentionally hurt you, Spencer."

"You already did," she said.

Her words cut him deep. His heart was being ripped apart as each dying second passed. He had done it to protect her, he had done it to make sure that no one ever hurt her again. But it seemed to have the opposite effect. He looked up at her. She was staring at him with hurt clearly showing in her eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks, and silent breaking heart.

"That was never what I meant to do," he tried to explain.

"Just leave," she whispered. "Please, just leave."

"I can't," he replied a moment later.

She looked at him stunned. "Why not?"

"Because how do you look at the girl you love, and tell yourself it's time to walk away? I don't want to walk away Spencer. I don't want you to look back twenty years from now and see this as the thing that broke us. I want us to be able to move passed this and grow from it, become stronger," he said while tears stung his eyes. "One day when we're old and gray and watching our grandchildren play in our yard, I want to see you sitting in that rocking chair I made for you with our hands intertwined. I want us to be _happy_."

"Toby, this isn't something I can just forgive you for. You lost my trust and pretty much ripped my heart out of my chest," she said. "That's not something I can just forget about."

"I know," he replied. "And that's why I'm going to walk out that door and give you some time. However much time you need. Days, weeks, months. But don't expect me to not come walking back in that door, because I will. And I hope that when I do, we can finally overcome this. Don't let this break you Spence." And with that, he got up and exited her house while he let the tears finally fall free from his eyes.

After he left, Spencer sat on her floor for what seemed like hours. A million things were going through her head, but one thing stood out. One torturing, mind twisting question. How could she not let this break her, if she was already broken?


	2. Chapter 2

It'd been a few weeks now. She wasn't really sure how many because honestly, she didn't care. All she cared about was Toby. Even after he shattered her heart into millions of broken pieces, she still cared about him. She had tried to put herself back together, but there were so many pieces to pick up and she couldn't figure out how to make them all fit. She didn't know what to do anymore. I mean, what exactly is one supposed to do when their reason for living suddenly turns into their reason for suffering. So she went on and lived her life like usual, except one thing was missing: her smile. Spencer hadn't smiled since the last time she was with Toby before she discovered his secret. Instead if joy and happiness, she felt pain and sorrow. But in an odd way, she enjoyed the pain, because it helped her to know that what they had was once real. Spencer still hadn't slept through a whole night since her fallout with Toby. She was always awakened by her screams for help while she had some torturous nightmare. The nightmares were usually about Toby and Mona coming to hurt her. No matter what she did, she just couldn't forget about him.

"Spence, I haven't seen you this upset since well, ever," Hanna stated.

"Yeah, and quite frankly, it's scaring the hell out of us," Aria added.

"I mean, even after Ali disappeared you still weren't this upset," Emily said.

Her three best friends Hanna Marin, Aria Montgomery, and Emily Fields had also noticed the loss of Spencer's smile. She no longer joined them when they had plans, instead she just sat home by herself in the dark and wondered. Wondered what she did to deserve this, how long Toby had been a part of it, and mostly, how she wasn't supposed to let it break her if she was already broken.

"Why don't you come over to my house and we can all spend the night doing things to try and get your mind off of it?" Aria suggested.

"That sounds like a great idea!" Hanna smiled.

"No, I'm fine. I actually have a lot of homework I should get done so..." Spencer replied.

The truth was Spencer didn't have any homework. She'd finished it all long ago, but she just wasn't in the mood for a "girls night". There was absolutely nothing that they could do that would get her mind to travel elsewhere. She just needed time. Time to figure everything out, time to put everything back together, time to recover from it all.

"Are you sure?" Emily asked.

"Yeah," Spencer whispered. If there was anything she was sure of right now, that was it.

"Alright. Well, we love you. I'll call you later," Aria said even though she knew damn well that Spencer wasn't going to pick up the phone. The only way they could get a hold of Spencer these days was to go over to her house and continuously knock on the door until she opened it.

"Kay," Spencer mumbled.

The girls all took turns hugging her and then finally got in their cars and drove off. That's when Spencer broke down. She let her emotions take control. She cried and cried until finally her sobs turned to silent tears cascading down her cheeks. Why her? Spencer got up and started walking to her room but stopped dead in her tracks when she heard twigs snapping outside. Her stomach started doing flips, twists, and turns and she felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. She about jumped through the ceiling when she heard three soft raps on the door. Figuring it was just one of the girls coming back for something she forgot, she went over and swung the door open. But it wasn't Aria, Hanna, or Emily. It was Toby.


	3. Chapter 3

"Toby," she breathed. A million thoughts were racing through her head. Sure she knew he would be coming back, she just didn't expect it to be now. "What are you doing here?"

"I want to talk to you," he answered.

The last few weeks had been torturous for Toby. He'd sat in his loft debating whether or not to go see Spencer. He knew she'd need more then a few days to recover, so he gave her a few weeks. But right now, she looked anything but recovered. Her tangled waves looked like she hadn't run a brush through them for the past few days. The dark purple circles under her eyes showed she hadn't slept a wink since their fight. And the hoarseness in her voice showed she'd cried so much she'd most likely made her throat go raw. Yet with all these flaws, she still looked as beautiful as ever to Toby and it killed him knowing that he was the reason behind her pain.

"Um, okay. Come in," Spencer motioned for him to come in and when he did, she shut the door and stood awkwardly in front of it. When had things become so awkward and forced between them? Their conversations were usually so natural and easy.

"So how've you been?" Toby asked even though he knew what her answer would be.

"Fine," she replied.

"Oh," was all he managed to return. "Me too."

Spencer just about dropped to the ground in a mixture of hurt in angst when he said "me too". Had he really been fine this whole time? Even after he hurt her more than she'd ever been hurt in her whole life? All she wanted was to be with him. For him to hold her in his arms and tell her everything would be okay. Tell her he loved her and nothing would ever change that. But she knew all too well that that wasn't going to happen.

"So I've been thinking..." he started.

"Me too," she interrupted.

"That we should talk about it," he continued. He saw her flinch when he said "it" because she knew exactly what he was referring too. "Spence, its not what you think. The only reason I was helping Mona was to figure out information so I could make sure she didn't hurt you."

Suddenly Spencer's heart started racing, maybe they did have a chance. "What?" she asked shocked.

"When I went searching for answers, I went to Mona since she was A," Toby explained. "And she told me she would give me all the answers I wanted if I joined the A team. I didn't think anything of it though, I didn't think anyone would get hurt. And then when I came back, and we did what we did, I realized that I had to tell you. I just couldn't sit here and lie to you and be okay with it."

"So you didn't do it to get back at me or something?" she asked.

"Of course he not!" he exclaimed. "I just wanted to protect you. You'd seemed so out of it and worried, and I wanted to help." He looked at the ground as tears threatened to spill over onto his cheeks.

Spencer walked over and grabbed his hand. "You would've helped me just by being here."

"Spencer," he started, "I'm so sorry. I never wanted any of this to happen. I just-"

"It's okay," she interrupted him. "I understand. I just wish you would've told me sooner. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you in the first place."

"Spencer don't apologize. You don't have anything to be sorry for. It's my fault. I'm the one that caused all of this," he replied.

"No it's not," she argued. "You were protecting me, keeping me safe. And I love knowing that."

Toby looked up into her eyes and said what he'd been dying to say since he'd told her the truth. "I love you."

As soon as she heard it, she smiled for the first time in weeks. She felt her heart suddenly become whole again, the hole sealed itself up. Her eyes had that twinkle they get only when she was with Toby. "I love you too," she whispered, and reached up to press her lips to his.

When their lips met it was like fire igniting. Their tongues battled for dominance and she didn't want the kiss to end. She loved him and never wanted to lose him. When they broke apart, Spencer was the first to speak.

"Promise me something?"

"Anything," he breathed.

"That no matter what challenges might tear us apart, we will always find our way back to each other."

"I promise," he whispered.

And with that Spencer realized that maybe, just maybe, she was no longer broken.

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**Authors note: So what did you think? Love it? Hate it? Want more? Review! **


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